Attempt 256
by summerIIfire
Summary: FINALLY! After 255 failed attempts to tell you the truth, you’re FINALLY going to hear it! Because, today—Hikaru, TODAY! I’m going to make you listen! No storm, rain, dehydration, Haruhi or that DAMNED game boy is going to get in the way! Kaoru POV
1. Attempt 256

**A/N: **it's my first Ouran Fic, oh dear... I feel like they're both OOC (gah... well hopefully not). I got the plotline from a very good friend of mine; it's one of her true-to-life moments (adjusted to fit the pairing of course). Anyway, I lost a bet and this is what she made me do—so yeah, feel free to review and tell me what's off. (but I can guess a lot is. GAAH... blame her she made me do it!!/shot'd)

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club—or the plotline (since it's from another person's experience ), they're all awesome people. :D

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**ATTEMPT 256**

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_ Attempt 1_

_ It's so boring, the heat, the waves and the sand—it's just so...usual now. Hikaru wouldn't even look at or scheme with me, what's a twin to do when he's in Guam for the whole summer? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The problem is, I'm not really an attention hog—nope, not Kaoru Hitachiin, but after the whole 'brotherly love' act in the host club you'll learn to miss that attention. Miss that attention to a point of obsession, the thing is Hikaru's obsession with that game boy matches my obsession for his attention and I, his twin—his co-host, falls second to it! Eight days and counting, he never tears his eyes away from it. I decided to make sure that stops, right now._

_ I sit myself next to him, with a little girl's excitement. "Hika...you know what? I've been feeling really bad lately...like I want to throw up—"he doesn't react: I pushed myself to act more submissive than I ever did. I flutter my eyes and giggled (I NEVER giggle, unless in front of our customers and even then it's rare), he ignores me—still!_

_ There was nothing else to do, I treated getting Hikaru's attention like a game: a grunt would mean one point, smile three points, glance five points, laugh ten points and finally when I get his attention I'll win. As off now I have eight grunts, ten smiles, three glances, and a laugh: making a low 63 points. UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M LOSING TO A GAME BOY!!!_

_ When I finally gave up and laid on his lap, while he played the stupid game, I grimaced slightly looking at him, watching him so enticed by the game, "You know, Hika...I've been feeling a lot of things, and lately they've been confusing me a lot too. My heart's beating so fast, my face immediately warms up and whenever you hold my hand...I just don't want to let go. I don't know if I'm correct to say this...but that's the only thing I can say, I think... I think well... I like you Hikaru, as in I _really_, really like you more than a brother should." After the initial reaction of realizing what I said I rolled over to hide my face on his lap, avoiding whatever reaction he'll tell me. _

_ I waited...and waited, but nothing came._

_ The urge to peep at him was too great, so I did. The second I saw his face, he turns to me—finally giving me his attention; I guess I won my own twisted game then. _

_ "Did you say something?" he asks taking off his earphones and putting down his Game Boy._

_ I thought I heard something break, like my dignity or my confidence to try again, all shattered._

_ "Nothing...why is it that I think that that game is much more important than me?!"_

_ Everything...I said everything there is to say, Hikaru._

_ He grimaces and puts it down (thank god), "Aww...c'mon Kao. Tell me what's up?" _

_ "I really hate that game, and the console. I hope it burns in hell." _

_ I was bitter alright!?_

_ He chuckles and picks up the damned thing and handed it over to me, "C'mon I'll teach you how," I pushed it back into his hand, still a little pissed about it. He turns it on and pushes it in my hands, he circles me and caged me in his arms—he puts his hands over mine and starts to press buttons while I just watched idly. Minutes passed and I was getting the feel of the game, "Get it now?" and I was actually enjoying it._

_ "Yeah." His smile was so comforting that even when I'm mad I can't help myself. _

_ Kaoru you are such an attention whore. _

_---_

Attempt 256

"FINALLY!!! After 255 failed attempts to tell you the truth, you're FINALLY going to hear it! Because, today—Hikaru, TODAY! I'm going to make you listen! No storm, rain, moon, sun, dehydration, Haruhi or that DAMNED game boy is going to get in the way! 'cause today's the day, Day 3041 of being in-love with you in that way; attempt 256 is one of the best yet!" my voice echoes in my flat, the relief and comfort of finally being able to confess to him after eight years was lifting this heavy burden off my shoulders.

"I can't wait till he finally hears it, and when he finally says that he loves me back—in that way of course," I let out dreamy sigh, "Then we're going to elope, and go to Vegas to get legally married—although, I doubt they allow twins..." my voices drops as I hear hushed footsteps behind my back, my sudden silence causes the intruder to laugh lightly. "Do you have something to say to me, Milord?" I say in a very vexed and 'why must you intrude when I'm fantasizing!' tone.

He gives out a sigh, "Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru!" he substituted my name to the normal 'tsk', "Don't tell me, you have _another_ plan to tell Hikaru the truth?" He rolls his eyes.

"Hey! Tamaki, I'm serious here! Do you know how many times I tried to tell him!?" I fall back on the floor, spreading my legs and leaning on the wall. "It's like...God just won't let me tell him, but maybe today, this time...he might FINALLY GET IT... get that I really, really love him..."

He shrugs, "You know Kaoru, you said that last time, and last last time, and last last last time, and last last last last time—you say it every time! But where has that gotten you? There!" he points at me, "Sulking in your own dreary corner..." I pouted and hugged my knees, resting my chin on top of them.

"...I still want to tell him." I say in a whiny voice.

He lets out a very loud, exasperated groan, "My son, you have to understand that every time you try to tell him, disaster begins—strikes, or just plainly hits you!" I can't disagree with that.

Tamaki strides to my desk, pushing over piles of paper and books, and grabs my little black book. "Plan 195, Send Hikaru a 'best brother' home-made card and stand outside his house." I already saw the possibilities: he gets out of work, tired he gets home, sees me and thanks me for the card, invites me inside then to asks me to stay the night then... "—But what happened! You waited for him to arrive home, you waited, waited, waited and waited you wanted to die thinking he wouldn't come...but then a car parks right in front of you, Hikaru steps out and so does Haruhi—"I was mentally stabbing her big brown eyes out, "—you got surprised and froze on the spot, the wind blows your card away to god knows where and then he sees you. You ran!" Tamaki ended stressing the part of me running, since I got a little intimidated—OKAY, I got intimidated of Haruhi.

My head falls lower a little sad, and embarrassed about 195, "OH... and let's not forget plan 201: buy a big billboard that's near the freeway and make a big billboard for Hikaru—I remember that banner, Kaoru, it was so beautiful, bright and colourful—but what happened? Hikaru drives along the freeway, passes the bright sign, blinds himself, crashes and was rushed to the hospital—and so were other people that stupidly looked at the freeway..."

I stood up, grabbing the black book from the older male and shoving it back into my school bag, "You know, Milord—you don't have to be such a pessimist—you know how much I love Hikaru, you know HOW LONG I WAITED FOR THIS DAY—"

"But!! Hikaru's just too dense to know, you know how he is—"

"No he's not."

"Yeah, you wish!!"

I trudged away from him, "Yeah...I'll wish... I'll wish that one day! One day, he'll finally understand, that one day he'll finally hear me—I'll wish that maybe...he'll love me too." I let out a very rosy sigh, "I'll wish for that one day.... I'll wish for one day....you'll finally mind your own business, Milord!" I couldn't help it. Tamaki was just so easily off-guard and caught in the moment; ah...the torture the Lord Days with Hikaru...DAMN, I'm reminiscing again.

"HEY!! Kaoru, Daddy's just trying to help you!! Hikaru will never, never, never to the nth time get it—unless you confess it, simply say it to his face."

I gushed out in shock, "What is this Milord? Have you forgotten WHO caused you endless torment in Ouran High School?" my voice was menacing, taunting and most of all teasing.

He sighs and twiddles with his thumbs, "Hikaru." He answers dreadfully, quietly leaving me out of the statement, I think it was implied that if it's Hikaru then it most probably includes Kaoru.

"WHO photocopied all the pages of your diary and published it to the school press?"

He sighs regretfully, "Hikaru..."

"WHO was the one that TOOK Haruhi on date, and made you realize _your_ true feelings?"

He grumbles, "Hikaru..."

"WHO was the one that STOLE Haruhi from under your nose?" and at the same time broke my heart, but that's beside the point.

He growls now, "HIKARU!"

"AND WHO is the one that I'm going to be with till the end of time?!"

"HIKA---OOooohhh...you~!" he smirks and gives me a light hug and a thumbs up. There are just things that I really find too tempting to resist, like driving Tamaki to agree with me. Ah the simple joys of life...I wonder if I'd ever be able to take all of these again after later. The clock strikes 12 o'clock, I immediately eyed the door and Tamaki eases his way towards his side of the flat.

---

The minutes ticked, the sunlight was grazing my pale skin—burning the fact that it's almost 12:45 pm and yet still no Hikaru. I sat on one of the benches in the park, eagerly waiting for my targe—er...Hikaru, but apparently there seems to be a misunderstanding since he's not here. I let out a frustrated sigh and grumbled, "As usual, he's late...again." I wonder WHY I even bother going to our meetings on time, when he NEVER does. Oh, right it's because I'm a twin on a mission... with 255 failed attempts. The people on the park kept giving me small glances, girls were squealing, and the women my age were eye-to-eye flirting.

"Ugh!! Where is he!!?" I yelled a few faces were turning to face me, "...Ughh—it's getting to hot!"

I'm getting a little too impatient, blame the sunlight and the heat wave and just when I was about to leave a notable voice calls me, "Kaoru." I immediately turn my head to his direction, a smile replacing my scowl. He was smiling at me guiltily, "It's _so _hot...oh-so-hot..." there goes my mouth.

He arches his brow, "Really? I find it kind of cold honestly; I even have my jacket on." That's when I notice the jacket I bought for him last Christmas, it was framing his torso quite adequately. He smiles and sits beside me on the bench, I scoot away from him. "Aww...c'mon Kao...don't tell me you're mad?"

"Well! I don't know, Hikaru! You're just LATE...AGAIN!" I'm not mad, Hikaru.

He pouts, "I'm sorry...I just had to do some minor grocery shopping...and the line took forever—"

"I was just there Hika. There was no lane." There was a line...but it couldn't have taken that long.

"Yeah—but there was when I was there..."

"Come off it Hika, just admit that you're late" and that's just it, I won't ask anymore. Just don't lie to me. I crossed my arms and huffed, if there was one thing I'm used to it's that Hikaru will always be late and I'll find his excuses terribly bad and laughable.

He sighs and keeps his eyes on my direction, "Well...yeah, fine. I'm late...I'm sorry Kaoru." He smiles the carefree smile I love, "So why are we here anyway?"

I felt the Goosebumps scatter everywhere, I looked up at him—my eyes were serious and a bit desperate already, "Yes, of course! Why are we here...hmm...I just want to talk—"

"Just 'talk' Kaoru? We could've done that over the phone—"

"Would you listen?!" he clams up and leans slightly backwards as I found myself leaning forward to his face. "Now...your phone—"

"Kao... I really don't see—"

"Just turn it off!"

He jumps a little, "O-Okay..."

I scanned his body, "And your iPod, and PSP too!" I might seem demanding, but you try confessing for 255 times and in those 255 attempts DISTRACTIONS seem to be your number one enemy.

"What?! Why!" he grumbles as he took his earphones off and puts them back on his jacket, on second thought, "Hika...put them under the bench—"

"WHAT!? Seriously Kao, what are we going to talk about anyway... is this some secret nobody knows about?" he grumbles putting them under the bench.

I took a deep breath, "OH NO HIKARU. It's NOT, because EVERYBODY knows about it. Our parents know about it, the Host Club knows about it, people everywhere knows about it, even that janitor knows!!" he gives me a 'really?' look and I resisted the urge to give him the speech of my failed attempts.

"Oh...that's some secret then, it's seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know." Well you are... "Even that guy with the broom knows?! I'm seriously offended, I'm your twin Kaoru how could you keep this from me?" ...going to find out now.

"I tried telling you Hikaru, I tried—" I heard a beeping sound, I glared at the vibrating cell on his hand—"Put it down, or never see it again, your choice Hikaru." My voice became deadly serious. His lithe hands placed the gadget with the rest of the distractions, "Now... I hope there's nothing left that can cut me off there on you..." I tugged on the jacket and pulled the zipper open, "Alright then!" and then my voice became extremely light and happy as a smile appears on my face.

"So what are we going to talk about, Kao?" I pulled out an illustration board from my side of the bench. "Illustration boards...But... Kaoru—I'm not really artsy like—"

I stood up from the bench holding the 1/8 illustration boards close to my chest, a reminiscing tone in my voice, "Hika...do you remember the games we played when we were kids?"

"Uh... annoy-the-maids?"

"NO!"

"AH-which-one's-Hikaru?"

"NO!"

"Then what—"

I gave him a light glare, "the one we play just to annoy mom when we're bored. The guessing game." I say softly, he forms an 'o' shape and smiles at me, "You remember now?" he nods and I took my seat next to him. He glances at my face, "Alright you first" I gave him an illustration board and a marker.

He takes his time, trying to write something until he—

"Alright! Guess!" he claims like when we were kids, "It's a colour!"

I roll my eyes, a little pissed at how predictable he's become, "Green." He pouts and drops his board on his lap, a little perplexed by what happened.

"Uh...how did you know?" Twin telepathy isn't real, it's just that I really know him...and he is the most predictable person ever.

I shrugged, "Easy, you looked at my shirt and then wrote on the board—a little too obvious big brother." I say casually, he grimaces. "My turn!" He looks away giving me my time to write something down; apparently he grew up from his 'cheating' phase and actually doesn't peep at my board.

I finished and held the board up, the filled side facing my chest, "Guess, it's an animal."

He hums, "Uhm...bear?" and he was wrong.

"Goldfish." I said nonchalant about it, _I suppose I can wish twin telepathy were real. _

He scowls, "I don't wanna play this game, and you're good at this." He says like the sore-loser he is, like when we were kids. "You're just really good at guessing games." It's because I can read you like a children's book, Hikaru. There's just some things you can't change, and that's what I really like about you.

"I'm not...I just...I just simply know everything about you," he looks at me, our golden irises meeting, "I know what makes you laugh, what makes you mad, what annoys you to no end. I know when you're scared, when you're worried, or when you just don't care...and I know when you're in-love." I say the last part more to myself than him.

He gapes a little startled, "...Wow...Kao, you really do know a lot about me..." he grows silent, and I suddenly feel like attempt 256 was the last attempt and it's going to be a success. I never broke our eye contact he smirks, "It's because we grew up together I think, and we did have our own world before the Host Club. I guess that's why you're really good at this, why you know...everything there is about me..." his tone was slowing down to a sad one, the happy Hikaru is fading from view.

"What about me, Hikaru...do you know me?" do you know why I'm acting like this, do you know why I stood outside your house and ran when I saw you with Haruhi? Do you know why your twin brother is suffering so much? Do you? "Answer me, Hikaru."

He was staring at me, quiet and looking pensive about the question, "Of course I know you. You're my twin, my brother—there will be things that I'll forget, but I know that I'll never forget my first best friend and brother." Those words....shouldn't be painful, I should be grateful I'm his best friend or that he cherishes the fact I'm his brother...but that wasn't the answer I was looking for.

"I love you Kaoru; you're my brother so just tell me what you're going to tell me—we don't need to play this game." Game? Oh...right the guessing game. Ugh, I can't believe plan 256 failed. It seems as it's not really meant to be then. I'm his brother after all, just his twin brother. I felt my happy mood faltering back into depression as I scooted closer to him and tangled our arms together. I leaned my head on his shoulder, "...I don't want to play anymore, Hika..."

He nods and takes my discarded board and his and throws it to the side, he chuckles and reverts back to stroking the hair on my face and the hand that rested on his lap. I found myself losing consciousness and falling back to the darkness with his breathing my only guide.

---

**Hikaru POV**

Sometimes I wonder what Kaoru's doing, how he's doing and probably (hopefully no one) who he's doing—I'm a very overly curious brother I admit that. As he falls asleep on my shoulder, I couldn't help but look back on the days where we shared a bed (innocently!) and I wake up to his face smiling at me like something was actually 'good' in the morning. He was always so...happy, but so easily irritated and maybe a little bit of an attention whore. I mean that in a good way. I just miss everything about him.

Even the little muttering he does when he's asleep, "...Hi...ka...mhmmm..." I pushed his bangs back, drawing a line down his cheek to his chin. He's so perfect in anyway, so adorable and uncannily unlike me.

I lower my voice into a whisper, "Hmm...You didn't get to tell me...the secret... I was really curious too." He just sighs in his sleep and smiles idly, I felt myself smile as well.

"Hikaru?" I look up seeing the Host Club's 'mommy' looking down me like he usually does, he hums like he knows something, "Oh...I see, Kaoru managed to tell you after all." I looked him up and down, seeing his briefcase and that suit he's wearing; I didn't get a chance to process what he was saying.

"You taking a walk?" he pushes his glass up and nods, "Well...have fun." I say offhanded and went back to stroking my younger brother's hand.

"Hmm... I see you finally cracked Hikaru, but I can't say I didn't see it. Kaoru's very lucky." That comment, however I managed to hear and process. He smirks at me, like the 'I know everything' aura Kyouya carries. Kaoru pulled my arm closer to him, and soon after changed position from leaning on my shoulder to lying directly on top of my lap.

I let out a bitter laugh, "Well...I haven't really told him, so...you're wrong." He 'tch'ed' and sighs frustrated like my insides were. It's not that I didn't love Kaoru, I love him—more than how brothers do. But that's just unacceptable in the times today, heck falling in-love with your cousin is a bad thing—what more if you're actually twins.

"Then why don't you try confessing?"

I let my sight fall back on my twin's sleeping face, "I have...I am. I've been trying to tell him for eight years now...but I guess I just have to keep on waiting."

But I don't mind waiting; I'll wait forever if I have to. Just as long as it's you Kaoru, I wouldn't mind the wait—I'll love you more, I'll cherish you further—then once you're ready, and once the time's right. I'll tell you, and you'll tell me those words we both longed for.

Kyouya left without saying anything after, and that's when Kaoru decided to snuggle closer. Wrapping his arms around my waist and settling his head on my lap. He mutters my name under his breath. "God, Kaoru...how long are you going to make me wait?"

---

_ Attempt 1 _

_ Do you know that knotting feeling whenever you're near a person that you extremely really like? The one where that eerie feeling drives you to do stupid things right in front of them? I do. In fact, it's like a permanent thing for me, since the person I really like is..._

_ "Hika...c'mon I wanna play—"block it out Hikaru, block __**him**__ out. You're not hearing anything. _

_ I scrambled for my iPod in my jacket's pocket, turning it to the loudest volume and just plugging in the earphones—I saved myself from another call of temptation. There was a presence next to me, some tugging and pulling on my sleeve, another shaking my shoulders. Once the song ended, leaving a three second gap between the next song._

_ "—fine, ignore me then." Kaoru rested his head on my shoulder, taking the arm closer to him captive as he sleeps. Ugh... I'm getting the feeling this plane ride to Guam is going to take awhile. After approximately two or three songs, I finally summed up all my courage and decided that this was now or never...well, now or later—I'm not exactly the one-go-and-its-over kind of person. I pushed pause._

_ I took a deep breath and pushed for luck to go my way, just this one time._

_ "Uhm... you know Kaoru, I really have something important to say...I hope you won't get mad at me. Cause you know Kaoru, this thing that I'll say might make you really mad...and I don't want that. So Kaoru please, please don't get mad. Uh...it's like this... uhm... like—like, like uhmm... it's well I—I I think I... well... I'm not really sure. Promise me you won't get mad, cause Kaoru I think I—I uhm.... I like you... uhm a lot. You know... that kind of like." _

_ Directly after saying (babbling) those things I pressed play and ducked my head in front of my iPod, but there was no reaction. He was just there leaning on my shoulder like he didn't hear anything. I took a peep at him: he was sleeping._

_ His eyes flickers open, our identical eyes meeting._

_ "Were you saying something Hika?" _

_ I guess...it's later then._

_ "Uh...nothing...I'll just wake you up when we're at the airport already, okay?"_

_ He nods and smiles at me, this time taking my hand into his, "I'm surprised you actually listened." He leans back on my shoulder, grows quiet and returns to sleeping. _

_ Yeah, I listened, but...when will you?

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**A/N: ** So there's the end of it. I hope you enjoyed reading, you know who you are. And of course to those who read this, thank you for taking the time to. Oh one last thing, leave a review before you press that 'back' button. :D

--Okay, seems to me like you guys got mixed up with the 'so there's the end of it', there will be a chapter two (and more) :D I meant the end of the first chapter... I really should make my words clearer. Anyway to those that reviewed, Thank you so much and I hope to see you guys in the next chapters--


	2. Day 3042

**A/N: **OH MY GOSH. Seriously? You really think this one's got potential ? .... AWWW (hugs for everyone!) I have never written for OHSHC, this would be my first—my first slash pairing too. Soo... I do appreciate all the reviews and the faves and alerts, thank you! :D And, SORRY if you guys had to wait a month (was it?) for the update, I'm just a really, really busy senior high school student. GAH. ANYWAY, go on to the story now. :D

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING (well the concept now is mine)

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**ATTEMPT 256**

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_Attempt 3_

_ The King asked us to play hide-and-seek today; he's really going to have to get over the commoner's way of living...its taking its toll on us. Festivals on Monday, Part-timing on Tuesday, and now spending completely valuable time playing some pointless game of hiding...Damn I'm tired. _

_ I looked up to see Hikaru looking bored as well, his uniform's blazer shed off and resting on his lap, while his head propped up by his hand. I absentmindedly smiled, just as he turned his gaze from the floor to me. "What are you so happy about?" his tone encased all of the dullness of the game. _

_ It just simply wasn't OUR type of game. Hiding isn't something the Hitachiins' do._

_ I blinked, opting to look to the floor "Eh..." I can't tell him I'm just happy about him actually TALKING to me, can I? That'd be too needy...and he'll get suspicious. Hikaru may look like an overbearing dense person, but in reality (in MY reality) he's just as sharp on the uptake as me. He'll figure out that something's off, and continue to annoy the reason out of me. _

_ "Just tell me, please?" I couldn't even look at him; although his voice was begging me to, the urge to just keep the reason to myself was breaking. But the problem now is exactly HOW do I tell him? I scanned through my belongings, looking for a paper or something to write on: nothing. There was absolutely no place where I could scribble down that something 'embarrassing' and 'wrong'. Hope flew away at that moment, and I sighed, drooped down and said "...can't."_

_ Hikaru arched his brow, scrutinizing my sudden 'hopelessness' and took out his phone (that's identical to mine only in the colour blue) and snapped a picture, "Looking for a paper at the technological age isn't like you Kao." He smiled at the copied graphic and tilted his head._

_ "I think...something's wrong, in the picture your face's red." _

_ Oh yeah, the freaking camera phone had flash...so even when we're at the dark when it flashes the real colour of whatever shows, unless the thing's just really really close then it become white. He was beaming at the picture and then switched to look at me. I can't say I wasn't happy, that he's showing concern like a kid to a candy, but... it was Hikaru...in the end, I'll do anything for his attention._

_ He turns his screen to me, indeed I was looking at the floor with a blush across my cheeks, "...It's, it's just the heat." I stammered. He smirks, his face screaming the 'yeah-right-as-if' look. _

_ Then an idea came to mind: if he really wanted to know what's up, then all the liabilities confessing to him will be his fault. Confusing? A bit: it just means that it's not my fault—or it wasn't my choice when I confessed. He forced it out of me, so if he wasn't expecting to hear that then...tough, but at least he'd finally know what I feel for him. It's decided, the next time he pushes for the 'what's wrong' question, I'll just tell him._

_ "Oh...just the heat huh?" _

_ "Yeah..."_

_ Any second now, I know Hikaru. I know he won't let go the fact that I'm 'hiding' something from him, because after all. He is a Hitachiin, and we Hitachiins don't like hiding, and besides that...Hikaru just __**isn't**__ the '__**wait patiently**__'__type. _

_ "Okay then, I'll get you ice cream after the game, Kao."_

_ Huh? Hika—..._

"_B-But!" W-wait... aren't you going to ask about me? Hikaru!? _

"_Hmm?" he was looking at me, expecting a question to be thrown his way. _

_I thought I heard something fall of a cliff, like my third attempt just going suicidal on me; I faced him with a rather frustrated look on. "...Thanks," I sighed and smiled haplessly accepting what happened._

_Kaoru, if hiding wasn't a Hitachiin thing, then why are you so freaking good at it?_

_

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**Day 3042**

I trudge back into my flat, ripping the illustration board to shreds as I headed over my bedroom. Nobody understood my mood today, not even the college's psychologist and my own private one. I just felt so dead today, as if everything was sucked from me and I'm just an empty shell walking around trying to pass for a living human being.

There was this uncanny feeling of looming disaster that just won't leave me alone. Was it the fact that Hikaru didn't seem to understand me anymore, or was it the moment where I woke up in his room with only a note to greet me? Possibly both, but the more prominent one is the former.

We're twins, and NOW he doesn't get ANYTHING...it took me 256 times, 256 long and embarrassing days just to realize that the Hikaru I was hoping to see wasn't there: the older brother that would automatically know that something's wrong, the older brother that would notice and listen to me without question, or simply that older brother that would love me. Or...maybe even the Hikaru that would...just be that Hikaru that would know me as Kaoru—not his brother, not his twin, but just a person that loves him dearly.

I found myself buried under the confines of my bed, pillow and blankets. Misery was once again my guest for the evening. I pulled the covers over my head and barricaded myself with the pillows, settling for a long sleep to make me forget the horrible outcome of 256.

'_Of course I know you. You're my twin, my brother—there will be things that I'll forget, but I know that I'll never forget my first best friend and brother.'_

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?" Footsteps were already ringing from behind the door, and then came a knock. "Go away, Tamaki—leave me alone."

I should've known that that would make him try even harder, "Kaoru! I told you this would happen, what did Hikaru do now?" he yells from behind the door.

Ignoring him would've have been easier if I hadn't had my hopes broken again, or if I hadn't had my hopes too high. I'm just really stuck and sucked into that black-hole of being jaded. A lot of times this had happened, but only recently did my entire world start crumbling.

"It's not his fault." I say quietly, defending him in his absence.

I hear something fall over, and a slight bang on the door "You keep saying that! Keep telling yourself that it's not his fault—it's always NEVER Hikaru's fault, it's always you that's wrong! You think that just because Hikaru's too dense to see what's been there for so long, that everything's your fault? Kaoru, I've seen you stand after all that: I've seen you fight off every single obstacle that would meet you, but the question is what did Hikaru do? Have you ever asked that, Kaoru?! Answer yourself honestly...were you really expecting him to understand?!"

I found myself stepping out of bed and heading towards the door, Tamaki was right. I never gave Hikaru enough credit for what's happening to me, it's always a self-centred blame directed to myself. But about expecting him to understand...I know I did, I know I wished him to understand—I hoped he'd hear me this time. But underneath all that, I think I was doubting myself, protecting myself from getting hurt by using alternative ways to tell him....so that when he answers something I didn't want to hear, I wouldn't get hurt that much.

"—Kaoru...have you ever thought that maybe, deep down...you're not ready to tell him?—"

But every time he doesn't understand, I still get hurt. So what's my reason for those silly games? Maybe I'd know, maybe if I just step back a little and view what I did for 256 times and spot what's wrong then I'll get to see what I'm doing right and where I start to mess up—where I start to forget my purpose to why I started the game.

"—To tell him that you love him."

That's right. That was my REAL motive, to tell him what I feel...but somehow in the middle of those ideas, hesitant questions popped and resulted to crushing my confidence (which I have less of). Opening the door, I was faced with a gallon of ice cream and a stack of movies (drama movies of unrequited love) and a very worried Tamaki. I manage to give him a little smile and allowed him to settle the things inside my room.

"I want to tell him—"

"You _want _to tell him, but have you _tried_?"

Is he kidding me? I've tried—256 times! How dare he say I haven't tried, how dare he say that I haven't done anything!? For more than eight years I've TRIED, I've wished and done what I should do. "You don't have the right to ask me that, Tamaki. You know as well as I that I did try, **I DID**." I half-yelled at him. The only thing he does is to smile at me, another rare 'knowing' look on his face as he sits down on the carpeted floor of my bedroom. I followed him to the floor, pressing play to the loaded DVD player and facing the wall with the HD TV, where _The Break-Up_ was playing.

"...So that takes one out of the equation. Now, what about him—has he tried?"

"Who are you trying to kid, Milord. Hikaru would never—he doesn't have to....Well, he's not confessing anything to me, so what would he 'try' to do...unless he feels the same?"

There was short laugh from the blonde, "I mean, has Hikaru tried to listen?"

The voice of Jennifer Aniston was filling the room. I could care less if I missed half the movie, because of over-thinking about what Tamaki had said. Although it was a tried and tested experience, I could never really tell if Hikaru listened, but far as I know that's a question easily answered.

* * *

**Hikaru POV**

"The answer's no! How many times do I have to tell you that?!" Annoying interns, they never learn the implied meaning in the word 'internship' do they? Well...unpaid internship that is. My assistant isn't doing the job I got her too, geez... you just have to do everything yourself if you want everything to be perfect—if only I had someone who knows how I like things, someone who would normally do everything in perfect order without needing me for guidance—

'_Need help in your Foreign Languages, Hika?' Identical lips curving up into a gentle smile, ochre eyes gleaming fervently, and his head just tilts slightly to the right as he cast one of his rare-genuine smiles. _

I could feel my breathing hitch when his face suddenly pops into mind; Kaoru's always ....My own face starts to fade into something like his (although it's slightly different). I remember how he always read my mind, without my permission to—he just simply knows when I'm about to burst, pull a winged-act, or merely anything at all. It's what I miss, I miss being predictable...being read like an open book, having somebody 'in my pace' without informing them countless times—

"Hikaru Hitachiin in deep thought? Is this possibly an impostor, or are you just really confused?"

I didn't even feel a presence go in to the room, but after that park incident—which was only yesterday—Kyouya's been giving me surprises from interrogation calls to visits, like now. "Cut the crap, Kyouya. What are you doing here?"

The same smug look on his face from behind his clipboard during Host Club times still remained unchanged up until now, "Still as impatient as ever, I see." He sighs and takes out a rather fat-folder, files of course, "Hikaru, do you know what this is?"

"How am I supposed to know what's in that fat folder of yours?"

He pushes his glasses up, causing a glare to cover his ebony-eyes "Guess." He retorts, flatly and I roll my eyes in frustration. Asking me to 'guess' what's in a stupid folder isn't really my kind of 'game'. I never did like people 'hiding' something and then asking me to 'guess' where it was. It's just so sensorimotor stage—since when did I learn about Piaget's cognitive theory?!

Dammit... it's like Kaoru's favourite subject back in Ouran.

"Files—"

"Please, try not to be so elementary about it Hikaru—"

"Would you let me finish!"

Not because I automatically said the word 'files' means I'm going to go all, 'it's a folder, so probably files' on him, that'd be stupid. I know better than to act stupid in front of Kyouya without Kaoru as my backup. My _mother_ isn't really the plain and simple type like the King, he's the complex one—the thinker (no not the statue), and apparently the one that convinced Kaoru to move out of our shared flat.

Yeah I'm not mad...

"Files that contain business with the Ootori Company, that is—if you're speaking business terms, but if it's just the casual approach...I'd think that they're files with information about a certain Souh..."

...I'm just really, REALLY bitter.

He scoffs, "Uh—well...NO! but that's a good guess." He composes himself and takes off his glasses, "Ms. Yuzuha Hitachiin asked me to give this to you, apparently—she wanted to contact Kaoru, but seems like he's been a trouble to contact."

"So my mother asked you?" I didn't mean to sound so pissed, but just thinking about what had happened, drives me boiling to that point of wanting to smack him square in that smug face of his. I could just see him begging pleading for me not to step on his—

"Hikaru. Have you talked to Kaoru?"

Now that he's mention that, I haven't. "I was called to a morning sprint meeting; I couldn't be there this morning. He did stay the night, why are you asking?" it's not like you should care what me and my brother talks or does...Dammit, I have such a dirty mind. How did Kaoru end up having a sick bastard as his twin?

He sighs, "And so... you haven't spoken to him about your...feelings?"

There are two things every man hates/detests/abhors/fears talking about, 1) an intense break-up with an ex with your current, and 2) his feelings. I have no intention of spilling my guts out to Kyouya, that's just taboo—the REALLY bad, and sick one...although incest is.... "No.."

Slightly more accepted in my tastes.

"Do you even plan on telling him?"

At the point on, I took note to never, NEVER let Kyouya in my office without a very important piece of paper to give that's related to work. There's this thing called privacy, I think he must've overlooked it on his way here; a pity, people don't take kindly to overly nosy men. Especially not a man of Kyouya's stature. I was looking at him, a little nerved at the question—I was completely taken aback by it.

* * *

_Attempt 56_

_After plan 55 I went into depression, I swore never to come out of my room again. Hikaru wouldn't mind, he's got a lot of things going on nowadays—a lot of those things I can't do. One of those things is dancing. I can't move co-ordinately if I wanted to, the swift change of pace from fast and stiff movements to soft and slow and then to just crumping...it was masterpiece I couldn't find myself in. Hikaru however found his place in it. So much for being identical, so much for spending time together too. I moped around the house, looking for something to distract me, but all I find distracting was that concert ticket he gave me (the white piece of paper with a 'red' mark) if I wanted to watch their show. I was fighting the side that was curious of how he dances and that side that's bitter about it—slowly the former was winning. _

_Groaning, I grabbed the ticket and shoved it in my wallet. There's no way I'm letting that ticket go to waste. I am a very practical person after all, and if I did get to see Hikaru dance like...a pro then why not? Should I let my inner insecurities hinder me from seeing possibly one of the rarest moments of his life? I guess not. All I've seen Hikaru dance to is either the waltz or the swing—never did I see him doing street dance. Now's my one chance..._

"_Kao-chan!! I knew you'd come!! Hika-chan would be very happy to see you!!"_

_Honey was the first person to spot me after I entered the big dome, there's just something about street dance battles that give you that rush of speed while you're inside the area. Even if you couldn't dance. The whole dome was pumping up music, the shouts and cheers for every other participant and their supporters literally shook the whole place. I was in awe, but still I managed to reach my senior. _

"_Honey, where's Hikaru?" Obviously at the backstage with THE OTHER dancers. _

_The blonde senior smiled, "Kao-chan you have to be patient. Let me see your ticket!" he showed a white piece of paper with a 'blue' mark on the top. My face was scrunched up, _what the...DID HE GIVE ME A WRONG TICKET?! _I handed him my ticket, and his reaction didn't comfort me one bit._

"_Kao-chan...You're not sitting with us..." he said sadly, his aura gloomy and depressing—until Mori placed a comforting hand over his shoulder. He gulped and forced a smile, "...You're at the VIP section, right at front." _

_Front? Seriously?! I kept repeating those two words in my head—I peeped at the front row...and indeed there was only one seat left open. The smile on my face was practically permanent until I got to The Seat. I was sitting with girls, some of them were new to me—meaning they don't go to the Host Club, they were wearing shirts with names written on it over and over again._

"_Excuse me... but where did you get your shirt?" _

_I was curious! And... I was wondering if there was one for Hikaru._

_She looked at me, "Well...I asked my boy—er... my friend that's performing for it. It's their dance-troupe's shirt." Oh...so I can't just buy that, huh? _

"_Oh, oh...thank you anyway." _

"_No problem."_

_The beeping sounds, video screens and lights started going crazy signalling the start of the competition. The screen was showing clips of the recent participants of last year, showing some that were back, and some newbies daring for the win. The screen showing the backstage caught my view—I watched it like it had glue-gunned my eyes. _

"_So...who's your...well who are you cheering for?" She asked, stealing my focus._

_I hummed, "Well...my—"_

"_KAORU!?"_

_Huh? That voice...it's—_

"_Hikaru!?"_

_And there he was, wearing a thin white shirt over his purple undershirt and black skinny jeans, not to mention he wore my 'stolen' Vans. I let my eyes wonder to his face—"Hika? What's with the cap?" he was wearing a grey cap in the reverse way, where the thing that was supposed to block the sun was at the back. _

_He grimaced and shrugged, "Why? Don't you like it?" he asked putting a conscious hand over it._

_I could've crushed him in a hug right there and then, but I had to find restrain. The cap looks absolutely perfect on him, it made him look so much cuter then he already is—and that smirk...it complements his whole look entirely. I could've gone the whole time just looking at him, but then I realized he was looking a bit nervous. _

"_I...love it." I managed to whisper out. _

_The faultless smile he gave me that time was so different. Like something changed that night, right before the start of the show. I knew I should've gone—and I'm glad I did. He was nervous, and Hikaru is never nervous—maybe because he had me in all those times he should be nervous, that's why he's not used to this feeling. I heard a small 'ding' inside my head and I noticed—he isn't the only twin with confused feelings. What if I tell him now? Right now when he needs the support...maybe, I gave him a soft smile. The smile he gave me faltered and he grabbed my hand, pushing away people in our path and pulls me to an empty space just beside the entrance of the backstage for the dancers. _

"_We're about to get called back in—any last words of support, little brother?" _

_There are a few..._

"_Well... Hika..." his eyes were focusing on mine, he was smiling confidently as he heard his dance troupe's cheering (when they saw their performance on the screen). I took a deep breath, the speaker beside me matching the beating of my heart—"I... I, I lov—"_

"_LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE CALL ONTO THE STAGE LAST YEAR'S REIGNING CHAMPIONS—CRASH CREW!!" _

_ Damn speaker. Seriously, WHAT'S with the TIMING? GOD, can't they wait until I say it AND THEN scream the stupid announcement. _

_ "Kao, Kaoru!! Listen, I have to go—I'll see you after the show," he yells over the cheering of the crowd, the rest of the Crash Crew were already bouncing on the stage while the others were still entering the backstage. I looked back at him, "Al—Alright, good luck!" _

_ He smirked and mouthed a 'you bet' over the noise, and then kissed my forehead quickly before running to the backstage and disappearing from my view. I trudged back to my seat, bested again by fate. _'Maybe tonight's not really the right time'_ I kept thinking to myself._

* * *

"And when exactly is the **right **time?"

I don't know. when we're the last two people on earth? that way no can interfere. I don't know Tamaki, I just REALLY don't know. I've been trying to tell him, for over eight years and in those times all I got were...divine intervention, climate intervention, person intervention—every single intervention there is. "The right time would be when everything around will just say yes, when everything would quiet down and wait for my say to when things should start moving again." The right time would be when Hikaru would finally understand and say. 'I love you too.'

"What if the right time already passed by, because you're too SCARED to do something about it?"

Silence fell on me.

"People believe in 'the right time', but what if the right time already passed? What then?"

It hasn't. I know in heart that it hasn't, but still...

"We keep on waiting for that one moment, where everything seems to just go with the flow—and then when we finally try to go with the flow ourselves, everything would fall apart. It's unfair, the way we wait."

He let out a short laugh, "Unfair, but still we wait."

"Even if there's not sure way of telling if what we're waiting would actually come."

"Hikaru would come around, he has too..."I say in a bleak attempt of hope. "I don't want this anymore..." I let out a broken sigh, "I don't want to keep on trying my best when he just pushes me aside. I don't want to keep holding on to something that's been shaking me off since the start. I don't want—"

I was cut short by an acute ringing of a phone, my phone to be exact. I had a hard time taking the thing out, and seeing who exactly is ruining our mood. However it was, I don't think it's going to change the mood we were in. If there was one thing I'm sure of right now, it's that—, I should let go...

"It's...Hikaru?!"

* * *

**A/N:** Well that's all for chapter two, hope it didn't suck... and about Hikaru dancing? WELL it's let's just say it's the authoress's preference of boys. Thank you very much for reading, don't forget to give me a heads up if there's something off or just plainly review!


	3. Attempt 256 Hikaru's Version

**A/N: **it's the LAST part... I'm so so so sorry for keeping you guys waiting, I just really had to handle the finals week in my school, dreadful, dreadful week ;___;. Anyways, Belated Merry Christmas to everybody! I hope you guys had a good one!

* * *

**ATTEMPT 256**

---

_Attempt 63_

_ Eighteen days before summer completely says 'hello', and yet I still haven't done one thing in my 'to-do-list'. Just one thing: __**( ) tell Hikaru the truth**__—I've tried telling him before, but apparently...we had some 'headphones' that blocked the way. Yeah sure it was cute for awhile, my failing on telling him but...we're graduating right now—going off to college. Who would've thought I'd be the one looking for some excuse to make High School just last a bit longer?_

_ Looking at Hikaru now, there doesn't seem to be any regret present in his eyes—only excitement. His ochre eyes gleaming brightly, his laugh as confident as ever, and the way he would just take in some silence when we're together...he really has grown up a lot. _

_ "Sheez... aren't you tired of just sitting there?" _

_ He's done a lot of dancing too; I sit at the gym every day after class just to watch them practice routines over and over again. I thought it be boring to see them all doing the same thing, but apparently there's more to street dancing then I've originally thought—that or it's just me, and my obscene fascination with my older twin. _

_ I shook my head, "Nope, how can I be the one tired when you're the one always moving?" it's different every time I see them perform for a live audience and in practice. In practice you'll know they're just dancing and kidding around, but when it's a live performance it's like they're this professional actors that CAN'T possibly make a single mistake—they capture you, rupture your heart and completely dominate it. Hikaru is no different from them, in fact for me, he's the best one out there that's tearing people's hearts (most especially mine). _

_ He grinned, "I didn't mean that. I mean...aren't you bored, you've seen this routine a thousand times already..." he wiped his face with the towel and flung it over his shoulder. _

_ "True, I've seen it. But...it's just, different. It's you, Hika—for me it'll always be different, one of the best." I smiled, and handed him a bottle of water, which he took slowly._

_ His face reddens a bit, "...Kao—" he bites his lip and chugs the water down. The bottle was thrown to the side moments later, his face a little more frustrated than ever...probably still embarrassed about the recent praises I threw his way. _

_ To say that I'm not afraid of telling him what I __**want**__ to tell him would be a lie, but not taking risks would just be dumb. There's so many things I wanted to tell him, so many things I fantasized about, and if there was a small chance that all of those could come true—I'd bet everything I have for it. _

_ "—Thank you..." he sighed, threw his towel to me, and runs back to formation. _

'Just wait a little more Kaoru; he's going to get it soon.' _I keep on telling myself. If fate won't allow me to tell him, then I'll just show him. Make him feel that I really do care for him—a bit cliché but that's the only way I can think of right now. Besides, he needs to focus more on the routine—seeing as he's a little off count and sync: his arm movement flailed a bit more, his handstands lasted too long, and when it was his cue to 'middle' the formation he just completely messed up and rolls to the side, screaming to his teammates 'I'm so tired!' And they all cut for a short breather. _

_ I wonder what got him distracted, could it be something I said?_

_---_

**Day 3042**

"It's...Hikaru?!"

There was a short laugh on the other line; yeah, that's Hikaru alright. Is it weird if I just started smiling because he called? Is it weird that I'm actually happy, even if I know he still didn't call for the reason I wanted him to call? Well if so then...I think I'm pretty weird myself.

"Hey...Kao, sorry—were you sleeping?"

"Do you have to ask that?"

Tamaki was creeping for the door towards the hallway, probably sensing that I needed space and 'time' with Hikaru to fix things. Fix what? We're not even in that point where 'fixing' is required, BECAUSE he still doesn't know! I still haven't confessed—I still—

"I'm sorry." I felt my heart skip a beat; his solemn voice was proof enough that he wasn't just playing around. Hikaru Hitachiin was apologizing GENUINELY to me (nothing new, but you know after unintentionally breaking my heart for 256 times...).

"What for?" He knows he doesn't need to apologize, that's why this is something new to me. I always just absolve everything he does—what do you think kept me going for so long? But this time...

He takes a deep breath and sighs, "For...things I can't tell you right now...so do you, do you forgive me?" there was this unsure tone in his voice, something actually fearing that I might say 'no'.

...things HAVE to change.

I tried my hardest not to break the strong resolution in my mind, "...I can't forgive you if you can't tell me what you're sorry for." Take a wild guess Hikaru, there a lot of things you need to say 'sorry' for—just one, pick the most important one and I would never ask that stupid question again. Like that GameBoy incident—or the time you stole my Vans for a dance competition, or the times I tried to tell you something but apparently you didn't want to listen...

"I told you, I can't tell you right now—that doesn't mean I don't know what I'm sorry for!"

"I never said you didn't know, I just asked...what it was you're sorry for, there are lot of things you forget to apologize for, can't blame me for getting mixed up with what."

"FINE! Then I'm sorry for EVERYTHING!"

Wow. He's more hot-headed then before, whatever he's apologizing about must be something big...something really bad that he doesn't even WANT me to remember. Which only draws me closer to wanting to find out, I'm twisted that way. I'm the saner twin, when it comes to controlling your emotions, but when it comes to Hikaru (plus emotions) everything goes out the window. I enjoy teasing him, because only I can make him pout the way he does, or make him eat his words. Is it wrong for me to benefit from his tantrums?

"When you say...everything—do you mean—"

"AGGGH! KAORU. STOP BEING SO DIFFICULT!!"

"You're the one not answering the question—"

He lets out a groan, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, in my office—"

"You mean mom's—"

"Just be there."

Click.

It looks like I have a date tomorrow. Maybe not a romantic date, but I can certainly look forward to spending time with that dearly missed brother of mine. I let out a rather satisfied sigh and smiled to myself; finally he's actually making the effort this time.

Just that thought could keep me smiling for years, since when had Hikaru shown initiative to actually talk to me? Not recently I'll tell you that. Now he's offering quality bonding time with him on a silver platter, who am I to refuse it? Although...

"I said I would let go. DAMMIT HIKARU!! You're so....so...." so what? Admit it Kaoru, even if he said 'I'm bored, amuse me' you still would crack. It's not because he's apologizing, it's not because he called—it's because he's Hikaru, plain and simple. I hate it when he does this, when he completely breaks all of my plans, my resolve with one measly conversation. With one measly...

---

**Day 3043**

"Why am I here again?"

"Because we need to talk."

"'Right, mister-I'm-so-specific. Talk about what Tamaki?"

I woke up bright and early the next day, took a shower and was currently heading for breakfast when Tamaki grabbed me and locked us both in his room. And right now he's saying we need to talk, and I dare him to say 'don't go with Hikaru', I just dare him—I told him a thousand times NOT to listen to MY phone calls—if he pulled me in here just to 'give friendly advice' again...

He chuckles, "You are not seriously meeting Hikaru today are you?"

Can I get an 'I knew it!'?

My eyes roll involuntarily, "Why did I just know you were going to say that—oh! I know because you don't know the meaning of 'PRIVATE PHONECALLS'. Milord, it's going to be fine, we're just going to talk." I miss him too much to resent him of that, to resent myself of that.

"Kaoru." He says in exasperated tone, "I thought you said you'd let go."

"I will. After today that is!" I got to admit; he just aimed and shot down my hopes.

He sighs and shakes his head, "I'm sure." He opens the door and proceeds to grip the handle of the door tight in his hand; he doesn't look at me when he talks. I think I knew why too.

"I'll try Tamaki, I mean...I've been in _that_ spot for more than 3000 days, it's going to be hard to just change. You said it yourself, I'm stronger now—I don't need to cling to Hikaru for every little thing. " And neither does he, we are twins—at some point in his life he needed me too, but we both grew out of it. Out of needing each other, something I resented immediately. "Trust me."

His shoulders slouches, and with a long sigh he opens the door fully to let me out. The normally calm amethyst eyes that he possesses were in turmoil, and I know it's because of what I'd be doing. A trivia about Tamaki; he worries more for others so that he wouldn't see or think of what's been happening to his life, something like a placeholder.

"Alright Kaoru," I smiled at him as I passed him; I was heading for breakfast when he calls from his room, "But the second that demented twin of yours hurts you again—"

There we go, that's the Tamaki I know and love. "Yes, Milord." I say off-handed and let myself enjoy the food on the table. Toast and juice, it's not a lot but I think it's just fine—since I'd probably throw up later when I give confessing one last try. Something tells me being spontaneous would mess with Fate and actually ALLOW me to tell him the truth. I hope so.

"Kao-chan!!" huh, was it just me or did that sound like...

"Honey?" my senior glomps me without hesitation; stunned, I continued to mutter low 'what the hell's until I saw another copy of myself standing behind him a good eight or ten meters apart. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I tried. I knelt down a little just to 'put down' Honey, he kind of jumped just to reach my neck. "I thought we won't be meeting until lunch later?"

I decided that this time, I would actually be the one frank and decisive. He already pushed me to half-forgiving him, what more would I be 'pushed' to do if I don't take hold of myself now? His ochre eyes not leaving my own, he smirks.

"I thought I'd surprise you for once," I side-glanced at the two blonde's conversing beside me, "and I ran into Honey while heading for the office." I thought so; Hikaru wouldn't—would never—go or take initiative in anything unless there was a 'voice' ordering him to, in this case it was gentle Honey that got him guilty. I have to remember to treat senpai to a cake.

"Of course." I said flatly; there was a slight change in his face, a more sorrowful look settled in. "Well, have you had breakfast? Milord, always cooks too much anyway." I sat myself down, again, and soon I was joined by the two blondes, and still no Hikaru in sight.

I turned around to stare at him: fidgeting at one corner, looking nervous and frustrated at the same time, in other words he was completely adorable. Something inside me must've clicked, since I excused myself from the two and headed towards my older twin. I couldn't resist it anymore, he was asking to be dragged away and be given candy—I know, that's what he looked like when I got more candy than him during that one-time-trick-or-treating with Haruhi in High School. As a result to that pouting and sulking, I gave in and handed him my bag of candies.

Why is it I find myself doing almost the same thing now, only it's my 'company' that I'm giving him? My resolve is still strong on my mind, still present—still echoing in my head that 'it's a bad idea, Kaoru, do not give in'—yet I managed to reach him with a wide smile on my face.

"Hey, what's up?"

A short laugh.

"Hika?"

A smirk.

"Oh no..."

My mournful groan was drowned out by his laughter.

He grabs my hand; which quickly caught on and intertwined with his. He tugs me towards the coat racks, pulls a scarf (the one he gave me on my first day of college) and yells out before fully exiting the apartment, "TAMAKI, HONEY—THANK YOU!"

Things got a lot suspicious, a bit more awkward for him I suppose, since I kept giving him the death glare of the century. He never seems to mind it though, he just continues bouncing and smiling as we entered the mirrored elevator. AND I THOUGHT I was going to 'forget' about him and sulk in my own corner of sorrow. Wait... back at the flat, did he say 'Tamaki' and 'Honey', were they in on this?! My gaze of disbelief falls slowly on my smirking reflection.

"Oh my god. You... Damn... They... Oh god." Apparently talking, and trying to accuse him directly after this sudden realization isn't the best idea. I kept laughing, covering my face (I know it's red as a tomato), and then laughing again. Hikaru looks over me, with a very wide grin and said: "I'm sorry, but you do know this has to end someday right?"

And suddenly all the laughter stopped, my very high and happy mood dropped and sunk. What are you thinking Hikaru? Is all that my mind is silently asking, my mouth couldn't form the words, it's just there gaping at him. As if that wasn't enough, my body wouldn't move on its own either, the elevator opens and somehow I was just dragged away by my stronger twin.

---

_Attempt 255_

_ (Hikaru POV)_

_ I got a call, text, e-mail, note, and personal 'invitation' today; all from one person: Kaoru. Seems like something important, since everywhere I turn there's always that constant reminder of 'meeting him at the park', Well if it's what Kaoru wants then that's what Kaoru gets. He never asks for so much, he never asks for anything at all now that I think of it. He was always selfless Kaoru, generous and self-sacrificing Kaoru, or even saint Kaoru. In short, Kaoru was considered the angel, while I'm stuck playing the wicked demon. _

_ The several reminders said to meet him there at 5 on the dot, but I have something in mind that needs to be finished. That something is like confessing something I've been trying to say for eight years and counting. It's easy to say that you 'love' somebody, what are words, cards, gifts for? But...this person's special—well OUR situation is special—and a card won't do, words won't be enough and this in itself is what I'm trying to solve. How could I possibly tell him what I've been feeling if words aren't enough? _

_ "Mr. Hitachiin, it's 4:40 shouldn't you get going?" my secretary buzzes from the intercom. I felt a slight twinge form in my chest, "Alright. Thank you, Auntie." _

_ "Hikaru. I'm your mother's assistant, and personal friend, I know something's wrong when you get that polite, did you and Kaoru have a fight?" I suppose I could tell her, knowing she's a trusted friend of my mother. I picked up the phone connected to the intercom and told her to do the same on the other line. She happily agreed, and second later I told her this little 'situation'. _

_ "Hikaru, what you're trying to do is impossibl—"_

_ I shook my head, "It's got to be done. I can't just go up to him and say—"she pressed my jaw up to stop from yelling out my frustration, and possibly getting more attention for the staff outside._

_ "Like I said before, what you're trying to do is impossibly stupid." _

_ "Auntie~" I whined and hit my head on the table; "I don't know what to do." _

_ She hums, "Well Kaoru's always the one to think of schemes, like what you said. Maybe you're not really cut out for the scheming behind the schemer tactic." I personally felt insulted._

_ "What so I just go up to him say that I'm in-love with him?" _

_ "Precisely," she glances at her watch, "Oh-dear, Yuzuha would have me killed if I missed her 5:20 calls, I'll be going now Hikaru. Remember just be who you are, I'm sure Kaoru would understand."_

_ Kaoru would understand alright, he'd understand that I'm late and then throw a short fit and pretend to not forgive me. That's how he is, he's not nearly impatient—he's barely impatient at all, it's just that there's something about today that make it important that he'd make a big deal out of me being late; which I have natural ability to render that 'I won't forgive you' face useless once used against me. _

_---_

_ "Today could've gone better." I said to no one in particular, carrying my unconscious twin to my bedroom. I plan to do nothing of the sort, if you're thinking those green thoughts—although it is tempting...NAH. I placed him carefully on the bed, covered him with the blankets and tucked him in. I have to say, I do miss how comforting the added heat when we both slept in the same bed. Just looking at him makes me want curl up close to him and fall into sleep, but work (clean up) had to be done BEFORE he wakes up. _

_ Clean up the mess that was my plan to confess to him. How exactly? Having that talk with Auntie, I realized something: I should be myself; straight-forward, impatient, and simple—that's Hitachiin Hikaru, and that's how I planned to confess. But as the park scene went, I couldn't take him to my flat 'awake' and 'conscious' for him to take in what I planned. _

_ Yeah, a banner and his favourite cake with 'I love you' isn't really something you'd like to surprise someone who just woke up. Even if you've been practically dying to tell that person—dammit, I can't believe it's the 255 time I tried to tell him, and it FAILED. How many times do I have to tell him? How long should I wait...I held the banner that was hung from the corners of the kitchen. _

_ "And I thought this would be the 'Day', I'll just use it another time." _

_ My impatient side's screaming, "JUST WAKE HIM UP!!" but the brotherly side wouldn't want to disturb him from his sound sleep. Of course in the end, I just gave up in both cleaning up and went to sleep early. Well I managed to shove the food into the fridge and throw the banner out the window, that's clean enough for me. I guess this is the reason why Kaoru ALWAYS insists to clean up the room, I only end up putting the mess somewhere else. _

_ Speaking of Kaoru—_

_---_

**Day 3043**

** Kaoru POV**

Hikaru dragged me towards the park, where plan 256 was held and failed. I pushed the bitter thoughts away and focused on him; today after all was the very first time Hikaru visited after I moved out of his house (well our...). Kyouya has been on his black list since then. Kyouya was the person that convinced me to move out, and stay with Tamaki. He asked me because of two things: 1) I'm the only person he trusts that can and will control Tamaki's blunt urges to do something stupid (since he said Hikaru and Tamaki are a lot alike in that sense) and 2) because it would do me good to be away from my object of obsession. I couldn't say 'no' after that, sense of trust and concern coming from the Shadow King is rare.

And having a overly happy and smiling brother hold my hand while walking through the park is just as rare as that (nowadays), and just like how I answered Kyouya then, I couldn't say no to him.

"Neh, Hika...what are we doing here?" not that I mind, and where are the other people? Shouldn't a park be filled with dog-walkers and old people feeding pigeons like the last time (or every day)?. He just shakes our entwined hands and pulled me closer to him, the speed his fast walking did really out does mine. "Hmm... Mianhae Kaoru..." he replies.

"Mianhae?" I repeated; "Since when did you get a chance to learn Korean?" I'm the one good at foreign languages, and I know how you never even opened the book for it during our high school days.

"Hmm...I had to learn some of it in the end, I had clients mostly from that region—I HAD to learn the proper ways of addressing them, apologizing and the like, mother's orders." He sighs, and looks away.

"Well you're quiet good at it actually, but—" he was already groaning expecting my comment on how wrong his pronunciation was, or the way his accent's just not right, but as a matter of fact it was quite perfect (even if it was one word).

"—what exactly are you saying sorry for?" memories of the night past ran through my head, I was holding the smile that was nearing to appear on my face. Hikaru was too; by the way he's biting his lower lip like that.

He takes out his cellphone and showed it to me, "Hika...wha—" He rolls his eyes and winds up the phone like a pitcher on a baseball game and throws to God knows where. "HIKARU! WHAT THE—"

"Ssshh!" he interrupted and brought another gadget from his backpack: this time it was his mp3 player, his 10000000 yen mp3 player. He sent it flying to another continent. Next was his DS, and then his PSP, they all suffered the same fate of being thrown mercilessly out of their owner's hands and into the electronic heaven above. I don't have a single clue as to why he's doing this, if had done this before, I would've gladly thrown it with him—given him a match to light on fire, anything. As strange as he's acting, I couldn't stop the smile on face as he threw every little distraction that got his attention.

"They're all gone Kaoru! All of them! You're more important than ANYTHING, I'm sorry I couldn't listen to you, I'm sorry I didn't find time for you, I'm sorry if you felt that those things were more important than you! I'm sorry for all the times I was late, for all the times I made you wait! I'm sorry you had me for a brother, I'm sorry! I'm SORRY KAORU!"

I took a step back, he was screaming it—I think that's why no one's here...how come I didn't get the memo, but I wouldn't have it any other way. He was blushing deep crimson, as he yelled out long strings of apology to me. I could only smile and laugh at how his impulsive behaviour has gotten into him again. But even after he throws all of those things away something still bothers me, "Hikaru?"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU KAORU!" he grins, panting, "SAY IT LOUDER!"

"HIKARU!!" I broke out laughing, "THIS IS STUPID!!" he laughed with me. The grin on my face wasn't showing signs of fading soon. I missed Hikaru, I missed being with him and just being goofy and smartasses, but most of all I miss seeing that smile on his face, and knowing I was the one that made him smile genuinely like that. "HIKARU-HYUNG! dangsin-i mwongaleul kkamppag haessne!" I couldn't keep up this yelling, I faltered in the end.

His eyes stared at me, frustrated and confused—"mos deul-eossna?" he shook his head and laughed, "I WANT TO SEE YOUR GAMEBOY THROWN TOO!!" I mustered up all my strength to say that.

"YOU'RE STILL MAD ABOUT THAT?!"

"ITS THE FIRST TIME I TRIED TELLING YOU THAT I LO—" I covered my mouth as soon as I can. _That sneaky phrase_, I thought. I could feel my face heat up, the ungodly smirk on his lips were coaxing me to continue. _Who said I was the only 'schemer', apparently didn't know us that well._

"TELLING ME WHAT?!" he yelled again, completely finding the situation hilarious. I pouted and turned my back to him, and covered my face with both of my hands, feeling the heat across my face.

The next thing I knew Hikaru was in front and eye to eye with me, "Telling me what?" he asked, gentler and more curious. He was pushing my hands down and away from my face, uncovering my quivering lips. "Kao, please—telling me what?"

I couldn't answer, I was waiting for the right time and here it is in front of me and I couldn't do a single thing but stare at it as it passes the window of opportunity. He stands up, "I told you this...has to end someday..." he sighs and stretches his limbs upwards.

"Eight years ago, I fell in love, eight years ago, I tried telling that person how I felt, eight years ago...and in those same eight years I never managed to completely tell that person. Society won't accept it, my friends; my parents would never accept it. It was driving me insane, that I just couldn't help myself whenever I see that person—I tried to avoid that person as much as I can, but that didn't work either. The more I step away from that person, the more my heart ached, something was wrong... and I know it's because that person and I were slowly falling apart. All because I couldn't say three simple words: --"he looks at me with that cheeky smile on his face, a red dash across his lovely face.

"I love you, Kaoru—so much...that I don't care if the whole world shunned us; at least I'll be happy." I felt my limbs harden, my spine back into me (although I never knew I lost it), and in seconds I was standing and looking at him. A smile on my face, and a heavy blush on my cheeks.

"I love you too, Hikaru," he grins, "AND don't worry, those eight years you spent—weren't in vain, since...I was in the same position. Don't worry about mother or father, I already told them." He pouts and I smirked.

"I told you, everyone knows... every single living being knows how much I feel for you: that I love you so much I waited eight years, endured 3043 days and failed 256 times in telling you how much I really, really love you."

"Really?" a playful smirk was on his lips, "This is my 256 try, I guess that number's really lucky huh?"

_You have no idea.

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**A/N: **To those that stuck with this story, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I appreciate every single bit of your patience with me and the story, I'm sorry if the ending wasn't the much expected, really sorry. I'll try an epilogue if you guys don't see it fit as the ending. Thank you! And I hope you enjoyed reading, and please leave a comment :D

_"Mianhae... Kaoru." -- Sorry Kaoru_

_"HIKARU-HYUNG! dangsin-i mwongaleul kkamppag haessne!" -- Hikaru-nii, you forgot something!_

_"mos deul-eossna?" -- You don't understand?  
_


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